The whirlwind of winding up here at FBC is continuing, and there have been many lunches, dinners, meetings, appointments and conversations, with more left to come. I have been asked great questions about how I'm feeling, what's the new church going to be like, how are the kids doing with the move, etc... I answer as honestly as I can, and it's been good to talk about it with folks I love and who love me and wants what God wants for me.
I got asked if I was excited to go to LifePoint, and I gave an odd answer (even for me...). I said, I haven't had the chance to be excited yet. I've been so full of bittersweet feelings over leaving that I haven't had the opportunity to get excited about what God has next.
Yes, I know that God is calling me and my family to go, and yes, all the reasons why are still good reasons. I will become very excited to be there the closer we get, and I don't want anyone misreading what I'm saying. I am looking forward to what I've been called to do, and I want to get there and get started.
But I feel like God has given me a gift right now, and the gift is to be able to block out any excitement for going to LifePoint in order to finish being here in Pocatello. The joy I feel in talking to so many folks about what God has done over these last 14 years is mixed with tears of sadness over what I will miss when I go. And in my sadness over leaving, I have had deep moments of humor and laughter over the adventures we have had here. Every emotion is mixed with one or two more.
I love what God is doing in my life, and I love what God has been doing in my life. In saying "yes" to LifePoint, I don't believe I'm saying "no" to FBC Pocatello, it's just that I'm needing to follow God's guidance in my life, and leave an opening for the right person to come here and lift this church to a new level.
All that mixes up in a fizzy, bubbling, cacophony of feelings and emotions. Sometimes I laugh when I'm crying, and sometimes I cry when I'm laughing. Sometimes I feel deep joy and satisfaction while still feeling aches and sadness. But in all of it, God's hand continues to be clear, and the good news is that He's still in control, even when my emotions are all over the map.
Thanks to all who continue to pray for us and this transition. Please don't stop, and please for give me if you think my emotional state isn't where you might think it should be. It's hard for me to figure out how I'm supposed to feel.
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3 comments:
WOW~ the last time I looked on this blog, it said you were going dark for awhile, so my first thought as I played catch up, is that you & I have a different idea of "awhile"!(said with humor, not criticism)
Big stuff~I'm hopeful that you & your family are transitioning well and you will all definately be part of our prayers. Since we are moving, as well, we get some of what you're going through. It's always tough to do what we think God is guiding us to when the world around us says "What the heck?!"
I love the "joy & tears, sadness & laughter" and I plan to steal it to use on my own blog, by the way.
We will be thinking of and praying for you...much love your way~
Megan
Know that we, too, are praying for you and your family. Having obeyed God and moved twice...I empathize completely. There's a lot...of everything...from emotions to details, and we are praying.
There is no right way to feel. Feelings are what they are. Hang in there.
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