(Not) Alone Time

I'm sitting in a Starbucks (naturally) in Sun Valley, finishing up four days of alone time with God. Cathedral Pines, our ABC church camp, is up the road from here, and they have a cabin they let pastor's use for just this sort of thing. I got here Monday and have had a great time with no distractions, no cell service, and no internet access unless I roll into town.

God used this time to speak some important things into my heart and give me some important perspective. I feel like I've been in a valley in my life, a struggle for clarity, a time of playing defense instead of offense spiritually. I've felt disappointed in myself over many things, and disappointed in the circumstances I found myself in, whether of my own doing or someone else's design. I've used the Billy Graham quote multiple times: "Mountain tops are for vistas, but the fruit is grown in the valley." So getting away to the mountains, I was hoping to catch a view of the fruit, if any, that has been growing in the valley.

God is faithful. There has been a lot, and it was surprising to see some of it. Some was not the kind of fruit I like, but totally what God wanted to grow in me. Some of it, while not overwhelming in it's size or abundance, was what I wanted, and it left me wanting more.

I'll sum it up with a verse that I didn't really look for in my quiet times, but was hoping to find. While reading other things, other books of the Bible, other books (reviews to follow over the next couple weeks here, stay tuned), it was a podcast of an Andy Stanley sermon that put it front and center for me this week: Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

I realized that I have spent a lot of time and energy trusting in what I've learned from God, the gifts He's given me, and the experiences He's allowed me to have (or walked me through), but somehow, I've forgotten to trust in Him. I'm leaning on all the gifts, not the Giver of the gifts. I'm trusting the wisdom He has given me, and I totally blew it when it comes to trusting Him.

So, after apologizing to God, I'm here to apologize to you. I'm sorry. I will do better. God is bigger than just the gifts He gives, and I need to trust Him more. Pray for me.